The family’s grand old lady lives on
- Laura Moore: Housebroken
- March 18, 2024
- 408
When we were first married, Taller Half took me to visit his family home. His grandmother handled the introductions, telling me the history of the place as she walked with me through each room.
Begun early in the last century, the house was originally intended as a vacation place. Her wide porches and beautiful setting quickly convinced her family to make her their full-time residence. As the family grew, so did the house. Today she is an imposing old dowager of rather grand dimensions.
That house has had a good life but certainly not an easy one. She has endured myriad trials and tribulations through the years. Her longevity is a testament to her strong foundation, plus her ability to extort generous financial donations from her family. She has been struck by lightning, beaten by strong storm winds and drenched by torrential rains, and the lightning got her water tank and several of her closest trees. The wind also damaged her roof, and the rains almost drowned her, yet she endured.
In her youth the house wisely gave her pest-control business to several extremely large wolf spiders. Those voracious creatures and their descendants have done an excellent job of insect control. No termite has ever dared to approach that house. Of course, co-habitating with wolf spiders has been rather difficult for some family members.
Many years ago the house was savagely attacked by a monster tree root. With great stealth, that root penetrated the plumbing, worked its way into a bathroom and actually lifted the commode right off the floor. The tile cracked, the pipes burst, and water soaked the walls and ceiling. Very large transfusions of money healed that wound, but her occupants were understandably nervous around commodes for years.
When the insurance agent got picky about her octogenarian wiring, the house had to be inspected by an electrician. The electrician took one look at her antique electrical arteries and accepted the job of modernizing her electrical needs, which was quite expensive.
The rewiring did it. The old home place had outlived her family’s ability to support her. She had to go to work. Divided into apartments, she became a landlady with rent-paying tenants. The old house was thrilled with having rent-paying tenants. She especially
loved the rent-paying part, every penny of which she spends on herself.