Loneliness is a terrible thing for us
- col-lee-elliot-aging-graciously
- October 25, 2023
- 424
For the past six weeks, I have been visiting a close friend in a local rehab facility. She suffered an unfortunate accident and has been confined ever since. The good fortune for the facility and for the world in general is she knows how to make the best of things.
She doesn’t complain, despite the fact she entered her new room in extreme pain and still deals with discomfort every day. In six weeks she has not been able to put weight on her leg, thus relegating her to bed, a wheelchair and a recliner.
My friend is a true 90-year-old senior, so I suppose most people would think she is where she is supposed to be at this time, but the thing is they are wrong. This accident has deprived her of an active, independent life.
This is a person who walked and exercised every day, drove for Meals on Wheels, read voraciously, actively participated in a large number of organizations, and attended philharmonic, PAC productions, Wooster Light Opera and any library programs where she might learn something new. She knows her way around the computer, doesn’t watch TV and entertains people in her home.
These days she is crocheting a large afghan, working puzzles, reading day and night, and trying to take care of business, like missing dental appointments and having to cancel out of meetings. Fortunately, she has many friends who visit and take some of the boredom out of her day.
What I have observed as I walk down the hall to her room is many of the residents do not have visitors. Some have simply been dumped there and never talk to anyone from outside. They spend their days dozing in bed, any interest waning, waiting, waiting.
My heart goes out to these people. I don’t even know them or their circumstances, but I feel a pall of loneliness settle on me as I am driving to my home where I am free to come and go as I please, to make my own decisions as to how my day will go, and to find comfort.
Loneliness is a terrible thing. If we are fortunate enough to live into our 70s, 80s, 90s or even 100s, it begins to creep up on us as we lose family members and dear friends. Some days it may feel as though we are the only person left in the world and that we no longer have anyone to turn to when we need help.
Young people take note: If you are as lucky as those of us who have reached true “seniorhood,” you need to be aware this also is your lot in life. It will come sooner than you expect. Nursing homes and rehab facilities are under-staffed and many times over-worked. Please don’t shun your parents, grandparents, other relatives or friends because it is the easy thing to do. Try to enrich their lives with regular visits and communication — that way you will enjoy the light you bring to their eyes, the smiles you bring to their faces, and you will never, ever have to carry abandonment guilt around with you after they are gone.